Emotions

"How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God."

Psalm 84.1-2 (NIV)

Part of my acceptance of my Doctoral Award involves participation on a number of courses designed to enable doctoral students to find gainful employment. So despite being pre-retired, a part time vicar and a so-called mature student, I have just returned from a three day residential UK Grad Programme where I, with 76 others, participated in a variety of activities to enable my acquisition of the appropriate networking and interviewing skills, CV and grant writing abilities and coherent career development goals. Most of the participants were in their twenties, conducting lab based research on scientific subjects (from nanotechnology to mosquitoes) having moved from an undergraduate honours degree to their doctorate after acquiring readily available funding from scientific research organisations. I realised the comparative complexity of my research in black theology and thought how simpler life would be if my PhD was lab based and not in the real world and my subject straightforward, like sewage! But it was enjoyable spending the time with people, who could have been my children and not feeling (in any way) too different or "other". The majority were people of European descent with one African on an overseas Commonwealth scholarship and disturbingly no Black British as participants or in the organising/tutoring group. Most of the content was geared to young doctoral students, anxious for their first job, unsure of precise career plans, but nevertheless, it was beneficial. I had forgotten the satisfaction in playing silly icebreaking games and being spontaneous. It was also gratifying to participate as an equal on the dance floor at the final night’s closing disco and party. Yes - I had fun.

One exercise to encourage self reflection and discovery was through the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Based on Carl Jung’s classification of personality types, the MBTI simply enables an assessment of personal preferences based on opposing characteristics. Leaving aside the flaws in any system of psychology that only prioritises opposites (e.g. male or female, never a continuum of gender identities, though Jung does talk about the union of opposites) it was interesting to see how people classified themselves. I am an "out" Introversion-Intuition-Feeling-Judging person (and here judging means making plans and getting things done) as opposed to an Extraversion-Sensing-Thinking-Perceiving person. Whilst I may seem to be in my head most of the time (logical, reflective, academic etc) my most important decisions are made with my heart and my energy comes from my emotions. I felt oddly affirmed by this and felt an extra spring in my emotional step.

I was also fascinated by the references to Jung, one of the founding fathers of modern psychotherapy, a mainstay of European psychology and influential in theological circles. Yet much of his work is based on his extensive travels in Africa and his observations of black people. I waited impatiently for a year, for the delayed publication detailing those travels, eager to explore the raw data from which he built his theories; on dreams and their interpretations, archetypes, the collective unconscious and his psychological types etc. I naively thought that if one could only strip away the European focus of his psychology and rework it within an African context, new insights would emerge. But I was disappointed in his perceptions and analysis; I can understand why some consider him a racist. His misunderstanding of the African’s "emotional intelligence" and the importance of "community" in daily life are not western concepts; nor is the primacy of feeling over thinking. I often wonder if the Bible has not been so heavily influenced by greco-roman philosophy, perhaps John chapter 1 would have been written differently - "In the beginning was Love (emotion/feeling)" instead of the Word (logic/intellect).

The Scriptures are full of the emotions felt by Jesus. He groaned in spirit; he wept, he had compassion, he cried out, he marveled, he rebuked, he had pity, he was angry, he was depressed, he was very sad, he grieved and he even felt abandoned. Yet I am sure he also laughed, sang and danced with his whole heart. He enjoyed the company of others and was very sensitive to their feelings, the sense of community and what it meant to people. For some of us, it is not what we learn through our intellects that matters, but the state of our hearts and our readiness to learn and grow into mature social and spiritual people. If we cut ourselves off from our feelings, if we sacrifice our dreams for facts and data, we limit our potential to engage the Holy Spirit in an adventure of future hope. The Bible tells us that what flows from the heart forms the basis of our integrity and interactions with the world; our very natures and the degree of compassion (justice and equity) we hold for one another. I often personalise the following passage by praying specifically for myself.

"May [God] grant you out of the rich treasury of [God’s] glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner [self] by the [Holy] Spirit...indwelling your innermost being and personality]. May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love. That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God's devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it]; That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God…! " - Ephesians 3:16-19 (Ampl. & inclusified)

May the Holy Spirit of God fill your hearts with wordless awe and unspeakable joy.

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